Happiness Advantage..Principle #2..The Fulcrum and the Lever

“Change your performance by changing your mindset”…Shawn Achor I know that may sound very simplistic, but it really is that easy….and science has proven it! Okay, it’s not easy, but with practice I think it becomes one’s norm.

After listening to the 12 chapters on the Fulcrum and the Lever it occurred to me that my signature quote on emails and at the end of every blog post embodies this principle…You cannot direct the wind, but you can adjust the sails!”

Everyone has the choice and free will to adjust their attitude from a negative mindset (pain, stress, uncertainty) to a positive mindset (gratitude, hope, resilience, optimism). Achor uses the see-saw to explain this principle. If two boys are on a see-saw and one is larger than the other you can change the position of the fulcrum to even out their weights and make it easier for the lighter boy to lift the heavier boy….or the boulder in the above picture. By adjusting your brain with more positive thoughts, which translates into actions, you can change your reality (I underlined that because you’re perception is almost definitely different than someone else’s and therefore becomes YOUR reality..not the only reality). The world changes based on the observer.

Because this is the basic premise of the this principle I thought I’d just cite some of the studies that Achor cites, to show you how powerful the mind is and how your mindset can change your reality.

  • Ellen Langer did a study in which she took a group of 75 year old men and told them they were going on a week-long retreat. They were not allowed to bring any current magazines, books, newspapers…no cell phones or internet. When they got there they were told to make believe they were back in 1959, when most of the men were in their mid 50’s. There were magazines from 1959 on the coffee tables and i.d. badges with a picture of themselves at 55. They were told to talk about current events…Eisenhower, etc… that were taking place at the time. Some of the men started dressing as they would have back in 1959 and even referring to their jobs in the present tense. Before they went on the retreat Langer tested them on age related conditions…strength, perception, cognition, short term memory…to name a few. The were tested again after the retreat and they improved on every test, and for some even on eyesight! Whaaaaaat? Langer also asked random people to look at a picture of each participant before the retreat and after. These random people, on average, guessed 3 years younger on the after pictures. Whaaaaat? Come on, that’s some pretty powerful shit!

  • Placebo and nocebo affect: A group of Japanese researchers did a study in which a group of boys were blindfolded and told that one arm was being brushed with a poisonous tree (similar to poison ivy) and the other brushed with just any old bush. All of the participants had some form of a rash, boils and itching associated with the poisonous plant…BUT on the arm that was brushed with the basic bush. The other arm, which had been brushed with a poisonous plant, had almost no reaction, except for a couple of the boys. Whaaaat? That is the power of suggestion!

  • more power of suggestion: Another Langer study (along with colleague Alia J. Crum) was done using the cleaning staff at seven hotels. Half the group was told that their work involves a lot of exercise and that they were burning “x” amount of calories just by doing the job they’d been doing for years. The other half of the group was not given this information. At the end of the 4 week study the “informed” group had lost weight, lowered their blood pressure and BMI. In reality they hadn’t done anything different, but the power of suggestion made it so. Whaaaaat?

  • A group of Asian women were given a math test of two separate occasions. The first time they were primed with the suggestion that they might not do as well as men because men are usually better at math. The second time they were told to focus on their Asian heritage and that they were typically thought to be better at math. Guess what? Yup…they tested higher on the 2nd test. Whaaaat?

These are just a few of the studies Achor sites to prove his point. Your mindset predicts your future and your brain reacts to what you think will happen even before it happens. He then goes on to explain that when you change your mindset as it pertains to unpleasant activities, it can change your perception of them and hopefully make them less unpleasant. I used his strategy on one of my least favorite things to do…laundry. Instead of thinking “ugh, I have to do laundry today!” I said to myself “how lucky am I that I have a washer/dryer right in my garage that makes it easy to do my laundry!” I know it may sound silly, but it really did make the task more pleasant and I seemed to get it done faster. I didn’t have a washer/dryer for over 3 years (except for my good friend Renee!) and it is easier now to do my laundry….and for that I’m grateful!

The more you believe you will succeed, the more likely that you will. I can actually use my kids as an example on this one. My son is not a tall man (he’s taller than the 5’2″ was-band, but he wouldn’t be confused with a basketball player), yet I don’t think it ever occurred to him that he couldn’t play a sport that he wanted to play. He had never played football until his freshman year of high school, yet he was the starting center and given the “un-sung” hero award at their banquet because, as the coach said, “this line-up shouldn’t have worked, but it did.” He had also never played lacrosse before high school, but ended up as goalie, played four years in college and went on to coach it for a year in England after college. My daughter got A’s in math in 5th grade, but her 5th grade teacher recommended her for 6th grade math instead of pre-algebra, where all of her friends were placed. She was so crushed that we had to petition for her to be in pre-algebra, which is where, against her counselor’s recommendation, she ended up in 6th grade. She then went on to take Geometry in summer school between 7th & 8th grade, had to walk over to the high school to take Algebra in 8th, went to the local college for her senior year math class and minored in Math in college. Her determination to succeed…and also probably to prove her 5th grade teacher wrong…made it happen. They both remember me saying to them on more than one occasion, when they’d say to me “I can’t” I’d usually say, “well, with that attitude you’ll be right!”

Now, Achor goes on to say that it doesn’t mean that you should have false or unrealistic affirmations or belief in your abilities, like “I’m the greatest thing in the world”….I think that’s called narcissism….but it does mean that it’s important to believe that you can improve your abilities. Which brings me to a growth mindset…the belief that allows you to change through experience and the application of skills…as opposed to a fixed mindset…the belief that this is as good as it gets and that’s it, period. Self doubt and the belief that something can’t happen starts you out at a dis-advantage. Focus on the successes, not what might, or did, go wrong….learn from the failures, and you should fail in order to know what NOT to do next time.

There are many more chapters on fulcrum/lever as it pertains to the workplace, focusing on finding your calling using this principle…and how managers and bosses can use this positive mindset to create a pleasant, more productive work environment. As I’ve said before…get the book or download it on audible (it’s great to listen to in the car)..this is just a synopsis…although it is quite a long post!

Lastly, I like that Achor references Sonja Lyubomirsky’s belief that we ‘create or construct happiness, as opposed to the more popular pursuit of happiness’ because it is something we can create if we put our mind to it.

You cannot direct the wind, but you can adjust the sails!”

What are your FAVORITE websites??

It seems that every day brings a million new apps and websites to click on and try out….and it’s hard to keep up…here are a few of my favorites…

Unroll.me.. This is an awesome website/app that takes all of your subscriptions/junk mail/websites and rolls them into one neatly organized file. It keeps your in-box from being cluttered, but also allows you to get those “deals” you don’t want to miss, but maybe when it’s more convenient for you.

The Skimm…I think most of you already get this one, but if not what are you waiting for? It’s a concise synopsis of current events delivered to your inbox every morning. The snarky lingo makes it fun too!

Houzz…it’s a time-sucker! Everything relating to your home…decorating, landscaping, lighting, etc….
Pinterest…you probably already use it, but I had to put it down just in case there are some hold-outs out there. It’s like a bulletin board for your interests. My favorite use for it is when I’m planning a trip. No need for bulky guide books, just pin places your interested in visiting and add directions, times, phone numbers, etc… One easy place to store all that info/research you’ve been doing. You’ll need wi-fi to connect when you get to your destination to access the info. So much fun!…another time-sucker.
Roadie….it’s like Uber for your stuff! Read about it here. (Oh…and I love Uber of course!)

Lennyletter...Feminism, style, health, politics, friendship and everything else from Lena Dunham and Jenni Konner.

Upworthy…My favorite! “Every day, we tell positive, genuine, meaningful stories that are worth reading, watching and sharing with your friends.”
…and here’s an article from StumbleUpon about a little trick to help you sleep…and who couldn’t use that tip after your fun Cinco de Mayo event last night!
Share your favorite websites! I’d love to know what you’re clicking on!
Have a FABULOUS weekend!
You cannot direct the wind, but you can adjust the sails!

Book Review…The Swans of Fifth Avenue

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My book club read The Swans of Fifth Avenue by Melanie Benjamin this past month and I had them all over last night….book club, not the swans. It’s a fictionalized account of Truman Capote and his relationship with the society women he called his swans. The people and some events were true, but Benjamin takes liberties with some events too and conversations that may or may not have taken place.

The book starts out very dishy and gossipy and we all thought it would be an “I can’t wait to get home and read it” kind of book. It was not….but it was an interesting and very disturbing look at the top 1%. It’s hard to believe at times how out of touch with reality these people are and their lack of moral compass. Let’s just say Truman Capote was not a nice man…great author, but not a nice man. I enjoyed the book and all the references to New York City and I would recommend it, but it’s not a “can’t put it down” kind of book.

I do love a theme though and decorating the table is always the most fun when I have a dinner party!

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a FABULOUS group of women…we’re missing a few that couldn’t make it….and the picture taker, Melissa
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all that’s left of the yummy, decadent dessert that Mimi brought

You cannot direct the wind, but you can adjust the sails!

An Afternoon Stroll through Floral Park

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Thanks to my friends…who happen to be neighbors…Jan, Kelly and Vicki, I enjoyed a glorious afternoon last weekend strolling through the beautiful and historical Floral Park enclave in Santa Ana. It was their annual home tour. The pride of ownership shows in every detail in every home and garden we visited. I learned about a few new plants I’d like to add to my yard and some adorable decorating ideas.

It’s best said with pictures…….Enjoy!!

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Owner bought the French chandelier from Goodwill for $100!

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love this little vignette on the backyard covered patio

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some people are so f-ing clever!

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hard to see them, but there are black curtains flanking the front door

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cutest doorbell

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how cute is this little guest bathroom display

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my new favorite tree, a Palo Verde…this pic doesn’t do it justice..a beautiful canopy of yellow flowers and a bright green trunk

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look at that Cotswold style roof and amazing floral arch

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made me laugh…probably’ cause it’ll be true someday!

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can you spot the butterfly in this butterfly garden?

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IMAG0827I got away with taking pics in the first house and then had to sneak the others…not as many as I would have liked to share, but get tickets next year so you can enjoy it too! It’s usually in April and there’s a boutique, vintage car display and food vendors too! …or if you can’t wait, just drive through this historic neighborhood and take in the beautiful homes and gardens.

You cannot direct the wind, but you can adjust the sails!

Happiness Advantage… Principle #1…Positive Mindset

Sorry for the delay in getting back to Shawn Achor’s book, The Happiness Advantage. Let’s get to it….Principle #1…Positive Mindset/retraining your brain to be positive.

โ€œJust as water lilies retract when sunlight fades, so do our minds when positivity fadesโ€…Barbara Frederickson

Historically it was thought that once your brain reached it maximum capacity at the age of adolescence that was it…you can’t change the size or shape of the brain. In reality, scientists have now discovered that your brain is pliable/malleable. By adjusting our thoughts and the way we live our life we can capitalize on our brains ability to change and therefore exact a positive outcome for your life. That is some heavy stuff!!

There was…and still is to many…a myth that success=happiness, when in reality scientist now know that happiness=success. Sure, you can strive for monetary success and be miserable throughout the entire process without every achieving true happiness….OR…you can train your brain to be happier and success will follow. Studies & research have shown that positive thinking can lead to greater success and a longer life. One such study showed by testing the happiness scale of college freshman they can predict how high their income would be 19 years later….whaaat! There was even one study that measured people’s happiness (assuming with a questionnaire of some sort) and then injected the participants with the cold virus. A week later those that were happier to begin with fought off the cold much better, with less symptoms, inflammation and duration than the less happy participants. Barbara Fredrickson’s studies show that when people experience positive emotions their minds open up to new possibilities and ideas…and on the flip side, negative emotions can constrict your mind, focusing on anxiety, fear, etc. Merely thinking positive thoughts before a test yielded better scores and even the unusual experiment of giving people candy, without even eating it, before a test resulted in quicker answers and therefore a competitive edge.

Achor says that, sure, obviously it comes more naturally to some, but happiness is not just a mood, but a work ethic! Scientists have proven that we have more control over our emotional well being than previously thought. So how do you do that!? Some proven ways to improve your mood and raise your level of happiness are…

  • engaging in activities that bring you pleasure…it’s different for everyone (cleaning, listening to favorite songs…or singing them etc..)
  • meditation is one of the most powerful ways to improve your mood…and I can attest to that!!
  • find something to look forward to…for me it’s travel and spending time with my kids/family, but sometimes it’s just knowing that I’ll see a beautiful sunrise at rowing in the morning. Anticipation is a powerful emotion.
  • commit conscious acts of kindness & giving…it should be deliberate, not “oh, yeah I opened the door for that person earlier today” but buying a cup of coffee for the car in line behind you at the drive-thru Starbucks…and we’ve all seen those “free hugs” people around…doing something with no strings attached
  • infusing positivity into your surroundings…pictures of family or a beautiful scene at your desk?
  • exercise…long lasting and proven mood booster
  • spend money on experiences, not things..or on gifts for others…so true!
  • exercise a signature strength…maybe you’re a good cook, or baker.. or maybe you give good advice. whatever it is just do it and you will be rewarded with the positive feeling you get.

By consciously practicing the above you can raise your baseline happiness, the emotional place you return to after negative and even positive events. Both don’t last, but your baseline is what’s important and what you want to be your equilibrium.

Practice, practice, practice and it will become your reality!

this made me very happy this past weekend :o)

You cannot direct the wind, but you can adjust the sails!

Motivational Monday…we are linked

“For in the final analysis, our most basic common link is that we all inhabit this small planet. We all breathe the same air, we all cherish our children’s futures, and we are all mortal.”…JFK

I had the privilege of attending the ceremony and fabulous celebration this past weekend of my niece becoming a bat-mitzvah. She had this quote in her very eloquent speech and I thought I’d share the wisdom she imparted. Thanks Julia!

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You cannot direct the wind, but you can adjust the sails!

kondoed…the kon mari way

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This is just a couple of drawers…there were many more to follow!

I had a week off for Spring break and I was determined to finish moving everything back to the master bedroom….but I didn’t want to hapharzardly just transfer my clothes from one closet to the other without doing some organizing of things. I’ve read a bit of The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo and also watched a few of her youtube videos. Her method has you organizing and de-cluttering by category, not by room…so it’s all of your clothes, or all of your books, etc… I knew it would take some time, but I wanted to do it right the first time….so I started the process early Saturday morning….

…it pretty much took all day and early evening, but I got rid, and thanked, a lot of clothes. Okay, I didn’t really thank all of them…after awhile I just threw them in the garage sale bag! It was a very cathartic experience and the results were awesome! Here’s how it turned out!

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rowing clothes all organized!

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sweaters are so much easier to see now…those crumpled items in the 2nd cubby up on the left are supposed to be wrinkled…that’s what makes them funky & unique!
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I donated a BUNCH of scarves…these are my favorites!
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I love this way of displaying funky, fun jewelry…it’s an old rake head…gotta love PINTEREST!
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I DID NOT thank this piece of clothing, but I did keep it, since it’s a necessary garment at my age….Okay, I guess I do thank it for making me look a bit less lumpy!!
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I ended up donating 5+ bags to our neighborhood garage sale…which is this Saturday for those of you interested.

As I said, a very cathartic and joyful experience and the results just made me sigh with pleasure and relief. Let’s hope I can keep it all that organized…and not add a bunch of clutter.

This was just my clothes, but I’m looking forward to going through files & books and purging. I’d highly recommend it…or you might want to just read this funny view on the subject!

…and if you don’t feel like doing it yourself, you can hire my friend Kelly to do it for you…her email is [email protected],

You cannot direct the wind, but you can adjust the sails!